Magenta

Magenta is what I'm feeling. It's an old Golden Girls (shut up...) reference that I find all too sutiable to describe how I'm feeling all too often. It's a way of saying you're feeling a lot of things but not any particular one.

Although I'm not sure I have any necessary basis on which to feel these things. I feel lonely a lot, which I should have have been anticipating, but I'm not. My roommates are lovely, but they're not around much(more on them later). I have Katey, who's work schedule is quite busy and hasn't allowed us to spend much time together lately. I have been hanging out with one guy that I just met on the bus for a couple of nights. But still, I do most things alone. Which is great, because it evokes a bunch of thoughts and feelings that make this blog possible. I miss my old Disney friends madly. I see places and it reminds me of them and I wish they were there to experience them with again. It feels so weird to be here when they are not. It doesn't compute. I find myself wanting to knock on their old apartment doors to hang out, which I can do but I'm sure it will be met by some odd looks from the current residents.

Walking around by myself and meeting new roommates and going through the beginning processses of this program with people who are experiencing this for the first time really makes me realize how much I have grown. I see me former self in a lot of them. The awkwardness of meeting new people on the bus, the endless amount of small talk you have to go through to establish any kind of a relationship with anybody...But I'm very open now. I'll talk to the empty seat beside me if no one is there. I think it's just weird becuase I expected to be making friends a lot faster than last time, but it's just as hard as the first.

Another thing I realized walking around by myself, is a new skill I aquired. Depression, a side effect of simply feeling too much at one time by my own definition, came sneaking around the corner three times today. The first two times I was able to punch it in the face and keep walking. But, the third time was a charm because it struck, and with a venegence and plagues me the entire way back from the Magic Kingdom. I got to step out of it for a tic, while I watched Wishes (the firework show at the end of the night, a spectacular I have no words to express how much I love). Anyways, it came out of nowhere but I had to deal with it. I need to learn how to always punch it in the face and keep on walking. So here's to that.

Now for the roommates that I promised to tell you about. 1) is a loveable dork who happens to be allergic to everything. 2) is a kind-hearted kid fighting an endless war against the tobacco industry 3) is a music pureist. Wears only band tees and whatnot. he's the oldest. 4) is a lively young man whom I can only really describe as what you might imagine a gansta night show host would be like... 5) is a shy kid who loves to dance. Today was actually his birthday! All of these guys seem just as nice as they can be. A huge upgrade from my last ones. More on my adventures with them later.

So I have to ignore these feelings by posting this and letting it go. So I'll do so now.